The Eternal Double Standard

I find it amusing, disturbing, disgusting, unsettling....and on and on, that there are a number of women who lie to their spouses about where they are. Granted, most of the time where they are is innocent enough (today I overheard a woman telling her friend that there was too much work to be done at home so she was going to go to her sister's house and tell her husband she was still at work), but in all reality...is any lie really innocent?

As a woman, I can tell you that when I man lies to me, it is very hard to get that trust back. If it is a small lie, I wonder "well, if you're going to lie to me over something so stupid, what important things are you lying to me about?" and if it is a big lie, I think "wow, I am not important or loved enough for you to just tell me the freaking truth?"

It causes deep, nearly irrepairable rifts in relationships.

Also, I constantly hear from women that they agree with me, they hate when men lie to them, they never trust them again or find it hard to trust them again after they lie to them, etc. etc. So why is it okay for women to lie to their men?

If my husband told me that he was at work and I found out he was at his brother's house, the problem would NOT be that he was at his brother's house, the problem would be that he had lied to me about where he was, and I would find it difficult to let him go to work without following him to see where he is really going, etc. etc.

So ladies, yes, we would like a guy who is honest, but be honest yourself as well. It works both ways, just like everything else in relationships.

Better Recognize!

If your boyfriend/husband treats you special, kisses you while you're sleeping, rushes home to see you after his shift before you leave for yours, holds your hand in the car, etc., make sure you let him know how much it means to you.

Because you would miss it if it all stopped.

Love vs. Lies

Don't ever fool yourself into believing that he loves you enough to not leave you. Be happy that he is around if he isn't cheating and get over love.

It only exists on one side of the spectrum.

Laughable

I started this blog in a fit of anger over a broken relationship in an attempt to make myself feel better and work through the anger.

By doing this, I met the love of my life.

Now I am looking back on the entries I have written, and wondering how it is I wrote those things because I am finding it very hard to comply by my own rules.


If anyone is reading this, don't think this is belittling you if you do the things I have written not to do, because I do the same things. Maybe if I keep reading my own words, keeping trying to move forward, I can fix my future where I always fucked up my past.

Don't Laugh

For guys and girls.

If the one you're with tells you that they are hurt, whether you hurt them or something or someone else hurt them, for the sake of their heart and sanity, do not laugh and them and belittle their feelings.

Example.

Jane Doe is cooking for John Doe. Jane knows how to cook and has never had any men complain about her cooking before, until John. John always finds something wrong when she is cooking. One day, Jane is cooking tacos and John comes in and takes over the cooking and when Jane tries to add water to the meat because it is a powder mix and it calls for water, John tells Jane she is drowning the meat and they are going to have soggy tacos. Nevermind the fact that the meat turns out fine. Jane leaves and goes and sits down. John comes over and tells Jane she is being childish. Jane tells John he hurts her feelings. John tells Jane to never cook again. Jane tells John that it hurt that he is always picking on her cooking but that she wants to cook for him.

John laughs at Jane, even after she starts crying.


First of all, John hurt Jane's feelings by picking on her cooking when she just wants to show him she can cook. Secondly, John hurt Jane's feelings even more by laughing at her hurt. Jane goes a little crazy because it does not compute how someone who says he loves her can not only not care that he hurt her feelings, but call her feelings childish and laugh at her when she's crying.

The Juxtaposition of Pain and the Paradox of Understanding

He's been hurt in the past. He's been cheated on. He has been in relationships where everything is an accusation.

I've been hurt in the past. I've been lied to. About a lot of things. About stupid things and important things, big things and small things.

So...add that up. He's been accused of everything under the sun, I've been given reason not to trust. Factor in that he has a lying problem where he white lies about the smallest things, and I have an anger problem where I blow up about the smallest things....

We are trying. We love each other and we want to be together forever and we're trying not to to drive each other crazy by taking out our past on each other. But how does one forget what has happened in the past, when those events left you heartbroken alone in the darkness of not understanding the whys? When these two respective pasts collide in the worst way possible?